On the move

Here at New Chapters we have just experienced an unexpected change in our circumstances in that we had to vacate our office premises in a short timeframe and this meant relocating.  For some of us this understandably caused a degree of anxiety and uncertainty.  Some people felt that decisions were made without individual views being taken into account and no matter how the rationale for the decision process was explained it still left some people feeling they were not listened to.

The above paragraph is not intended to make anyone feel uncomfortable because it is just a reality of how change can affect people.  But my main reason for writing it is because it is also reflective of what happens when a looked after child experiences an unexpected change in their circumstances.  There they are in a “caring” environment and then all of a sudden they are told they will be moving “to who knows where”.  But hang on a minute, put yourself in the child’s shoes.  When the child arrived weren’t they told that they would be part of the family?  Didn’t their social worker tell them that they were going somewhere that can manage their behaviours and help them learn how to be more in control of their life?

As adults we find change difficult, especially when it has an impact on our established daily routine, our lifestyle or our familiar surroundings.  We either accept, however reluctantly, the change in our circumstances or we make different life choices.  That’s because as adults we can do that.  It doesn’t alter the fact that we still endure periods of anxiety and uncertainty before we make our final decision.  But ultimately it will be our decision.

Now let’s put ourselves back in the looked after child’s shoes.  Their daily routine is often variable at best and erratic or non-existent at worst, either because they come from dysfunctional families or they have been subject to numerous moves.  Lifestyle for a looked after child is often largely determined by the norms of whatever placement they find themselves in.  If the lifestyle doesn’t suit them they may seek alternative lifestyles in the wider community and this is sometimes not a lifestyle that is conducive to their longer term wellbeing.

And then there is “familiar surroundings”.  Most people feel safe when they know where they are and recognise the people and physical and emotional environment around them.  Think how uncomfortable you have sometimes felt when you have been in unfamiliar surroundings and that anxiety and uncertainty you experience, even if only for a short period of time.  As adults we are usually in a position to decide to remove ourselves from surroundings where we feel uncomfortable and return to our comfort zone.  Sadly for many looked after children this option is not available to them.  They are actively placed in unfamiliar surroundings and then told they will be safe there.  At best they may have one or two pre placement visits to give them a sense of where they are going but all too often they move to their new surroundings without much, if any, notice.

This blog is called “on the move” and started with the anxiety and uncertainty that is often associated with this kind of change.  Feelings of anxiety and uncertainty can of course sometimes be tempered by more positive feelings like excitement and for most adults there is a sense that they have a degree of control about whether they accept the change or choose a different course.  But for a looked after child the anxiety and uncertainty linked to being “on the move” can be extremely scary.

New Chapters has been operational since 2015 and we have worked hard to provide family homes for very vulnerable and traumatised children who know all too well the anxiety and uncertainty of being “on the move” and we want their future to be based on familiar surroundings.  Yes, change will happen in their lives as it does for us all but the anxiety and uncertainty that change causes is so much easier to cope with if we have a foundation of stability.